Loki's Lament
by SimplySadistic
Summary: Loki thinks a little too much. This is a songfic. The song is Snuff by Slipknot.


_Bury all your secrets in my skin._  
_Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins._  
_The air around me still feels like a cage_  
_and love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again._

Loki stood on the buildings edge, staring down at the mortals that had no clue he was there. Everyone seemed so happy, but they had no idea that he could end their lives in mere seconds. He wasn't thinking about that, though. He was wondering why he couldn't be happy. The thought plagued his mind. It wouldn't leave him alone. It was like a question that had been branded into his thoughts. More specifically, he was thinking about Asgard. And how much he missed his home. How much he missed sleeping in his own bed. How much he missed Thor when he wasn't trying to kill him. How much he missed Odin and Frigga and the stupid little ceremonies in the grand hall. He was foolish for letting it all go, just to spite Thor and gain a father's love that he had acquired long ago and just refused to acknowledge.

_So if you love me let me go_  
_and run away before I know._  
_My heart is just too dark to care._  
_I can't destroy what isn't there._

He longed for the warmth that he felt while he was in Asgard. Life was bitter and cold now- even for a Frost Giant. His heart ached with sorrow at the very thought Asgard. There was no way that he could go back there anymore. He had messed that up long ago, when he first tried to destroy Midgard. Earth, as the Midgardians called it. Such a pitiful place. And Loki was a pitiful being. He couldn't think of anyone else that should rule such a useless realm other than him. It was much more of a punishment than it was an accomplishment. And Loki felt that he needed to be punished.

_Deliver me into my fate._  
_If I'm alone I cannot hate._  
_I don't deserve to have you._  
_Ooh, my smile was taken long ago;_  
_If I can change I hope I never know._

And now he was all alone. No one but the Chitauri to help him now. He hated being alone. More than anything in the world, he loathed the thought of not having anyone there to confide in. And yet, here he was, alone, staring at the ground beneath him. He always envied the way that mortals could just cast themselves off of a building whenever they wished for death. He wished he had that ability, but jumping off of this building would do him no harm. To take his own life was what he yearned for. At least then, he could save Thor the trouble of capturing him.

_I still press your letters to my lips_  
_and cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss._  
_I couldn't face a life without your lights,_  
_but all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight._

Ah, Thor. The one person that Loki always had a certain appreciation for. No matter how much Loki didn't like it, he still thought of Thor as his older brother. And now, he has joined The Avengers. Those cruel mortals. Rogers, Stark and Banner. He hated them. They twisted his brother's mind so much that Thor was fighting against Loki. And, for what? So he could say he saved Midgard? A petty thing to be proud of.

_So save your breath, I will not care._  
_I think I've made it very clear._  
_You couldn't hate enough to love._  
_Is that supposed to be enough?_

Loki almost despised Thor. He was always the favorite son. He loved his brother, but when it came to favorites, he hated him. He didn't understand how that could be. How you could love someone and also hate them. It was a contradiction that made the situation Loki was in ten times worse. And he hated that.

_I only wish you weren't my friend,_  
_then I could hurt you in the end._  
_I never claimed to be a saint._  
_Ooh, my own was banished long ago_  
_It took the death of hope to let you go._

He seemed to hate everything now. He wished he hated Thor as much as he hated everything else. Then he could do away with the God of Thunder. Something kept him from hating Thor that much, though. Something in his mind still told him that Thor was his brother. Sure, he had gotten Thor banished, but that was different. He needed to do that. In order to gain Odin's love. Loki would be the new favorite and Odin wouldn't comment about how Loki should be more like Thor. At least, that's what he thought was going to happen. He had never been more wrong in his life.

_So break yourself against my stones_  
_and spit your pity in my soul._  
_You never needed any help._  
_You sold me out to save yourself._

Odin. He was the cause of all this. If only he had shown his affection towards Loki, he wouldn't have felt the need to have Thor banished. If only Loki wasn't a Frost Giant. That thought hurt Loki more than he wanted it to. He broke down, tears streaming down his face. He fell to his knees on the ledge of the building, bawling his eyes out. Why did he have to be a Frost Giant? Why couldn't he have been born to Odin and be a normal child?

"Damn you, Laufey!" He cursed his real father's name, hitting the cement rooftop with his fist.

_And I won't listen to your shame._  
_You ran away, you're all the same._  
_Angels lie to keep control._  
_Ooh, my love was punished long ago._  
_If you still care don't ever let me know._  
_If you still care don't ever let me know._

And he stayed there. He cried and cursed the day he was born throughout the night. All alone. Oh, how he envied the human's ability to die so easily.


End file.
